Q:Where's your other hand? A: Between two pillows.

So, my friends... you know I don't like travelling. But being married to women who does, I've developed a strategy which gets me prepared for these frequent events: DENIAL. Plain and simple, yet effective. I don't think about the trip or talk about it and pack at the last possible minute...

Oh, the picture... Steve Martin and John Candy from "Planes, Trains and Automobiles". A very funny movie, yet completely appropriate for this post. Last weekend my family took a train trip to Oregon to surprise my father-in-law for his 64th birthday. However it was WE who were surprised when our one-way train adventure took roughly 18 hrs to complete with another one-hour drive to the Dalles from Portland. Suffice to say, Jacqui's plan for us to have a family "adventure" was exactly that, despite my constant complaining and teasing (what? you complain? Yeah, you gotta' know! My poor wife takes alot HEAT from me in the teasing/ribbing department as I dish out more than I can take. So if she's reading," Thank you for being on this great journey with me. If it was not for you, I would lead a boring life! I'm glad we had that time on the train together. I love you with all my heart!)

Because the initial train ride was late arriving by 4 hours, we had to rent a car to drive to the Dalles (sounds like "PALS") instead of Jacqui's uncle picking us up. Then, when we found out that train delays of up to 10-12 hours was normal and that 4 hours was GOOD, we arranged to fly home instead of taking the train (even a 1 hour delay would have "trashed" Monday's schedule). TRAINS, PLANES AND... well you know. My first 2 hrs went something like this.

On Friday night we arrive an hour before our departure at Midnight. As I park the car and unload luggage, I begin to notice people moving about inside the station. Those few people loitering outside catch my attention; the parking lot security guard (good, watch my car, dude!), a disheveled, homeless looking man searching for cig-butts in the outdoor ashtray, a couple on a bench talking to a station maintence man. As we enter, I see a few others: several sets of elderly couples, 70-80 years old, sitting around chatting amongst they're stacked luggage, the gray haired Senator McCain look-a-like in the red ball cap, the shaved-headed, pale white-dude with semi-full tattoo sleeves (cool). We stand in line for tickets; Jacqui's at the window dealing with the transaction as Alex observes. More people, some strange by most standards, arrive. I'm on full "mr. safety" alert when one sneaks past my radar. About twenty feet away, a man begins to do what looks like "Tai Chi". He's a 50'ish, African-American dude in rumpled clothes, with wild, unkempt hair. I turn and see Sammie fully staring, mesmerized, possibly in shock. "SAMMIE!" I whisper-yell. "TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND!" She does. He exists the station and we are safe. I tune into the women behind the ticket counter as she gives Jacqui instructions on boarding. It seems complicated, but maybe it's just me adjusting to this whole different experience. Somethings missing. I realize it's the hip, cool travelers that you see in the airport mixed in with "regular" folks. No these were just the "regulars" or should I say... the irregulars... those travelling without a strict time requirement. We sit down to wait. I look around and ask Jacqui, "Do they know that air travel exists??" She smiles at me (so very patient) and cuddles Sammie, who is now afraid of all the "different" people beginning to arrive. I leave to use the restroom. "Is it safe to leave them?..." I take one last look... when I return, they're still there (thank you Lord). I sit next to Alex, saying nothing as the station fills. The red-ball cap man speaks to a woman in a motorized wheel chair. He begins to yell and I realize he is metally-challenged. I look around and see another, then another challenged guy by the water fountain... and I wonder... "I feel like I'm in a Milos Foreman movie." I confess. Jacqui looks at me puzzled. "One Flew over the Cuckoos Nest..." I say. She scowls at me as more people arrive. Alex and I begin to play games on our cell phones. We trade phones but that only lasts a minute because her phone does not have "bubble-breaker", and I'm hooked on that game. More people... is the circus in town? My mind races... I think I fit in well here. Finally, a station worker calls for us to get our boarding passes. I get in line and notice cardboard conductor hats for kids sitting on a table next to me. I pick one up and offer it to Alex from across the station. She frowns and just shakes her head as if to say, "Yeah, right like I'm gonna wear THAT!"
I return to my seat for more "bubble-breaker". Ten minutes later we go outside, cross the tracks and stand on the center platform to wait for train. My mind is racing, "very strange, this experience..." As we wait in the cold night air with about fifty other travelers, a friendly brown-haired woman with glasses approaches. She is carrying one bag, a gigantic pink-cased pillow and a box of Crispy-creme doughnuts. She greets us loudly and offers my daughters a doughnut. They decline and she says that the doughnuts are for her 14 yr old son who lives in Portland, " but he wouldn't mind if I gave a few to some cute girls! I gave two to a homeless guy earlier." I wonder if it was the Tai-Chi guy or the cigaret-butt finder. "Where you from?" She asks, we answer. "What do you do?" She keeps it coming, we answer. "Where ya' going?" Oregon, the Dalles, birthday party for dad. She asks my girls again if they want a doughnut and repeats the whole thing about her son. They decline. My mind races. Then a freight train passes the platform, stirring an incredibly icey wind. I'm COLD! Poor Sammie's in nylon shorts, a thin sweatshirt and fip-flops. A nice lady loans her a blanket, which she wraps herself in. The train passes. A few more minutes pass. It is soon 1 am as our train arrives. Sammie returns the blanket as we board. The doughnut lady is boarding behind us. She asks Jacqui where were from... Jacqui answers. She asks where we're going... Jacqui answers... my mind races. As we enter, there are people who boarded somewhere south, already asleep. We quietly find our seats and begin our adventure...